Why They Don’t Serve Knives in Bars

Okay, three blokes walk into a pub. I say blokes, but I mean gods. The joke works better that way.

So, three gods walk into a tavern: the God of Denial, the God of Knife-Throwing and the God of Outcasts (they used to have one, now they’re godless).

The first one says to the bartender, “I’m not as drunk as you think I am.”

The bartender says, “Are you sure?”

The god says, “Of course I am. Now sit me a drink, I don’t want a headache in the morning.”

The second god says to the bartender, “I’d like a plate of knives, please.”

The bartender says to himself, “Looks like a nice sort of bloke. Like one of the three I had in last night.” So he gives the god a plate of knives.

The third god says to the bartender, “I’d like a drink, please.”

And the bartender says, “Here you go.”

The God of Knife-Throwing plies the God of Outcasts with a number of drinks, most of them two, and convinces him to stand in front of an up-ended table with an empty glass on his head. (A full glass wouldn’t work as well – it’d just make things wet.) Then he prepares his knives.

The God of Denial says, “I can’t watch this,” and turns his head away.

The God of Knife-Throwing picks up a knife, when the bartender goes, “Oi! You can’t kill him. I’d have no customers if he was dead.”

The God of Knife-Throwing says, “My god, you’re right. I couldn’t do that to my favourite bartender.”

So he kicks the God of Outcasts out on his arse.

And that’s why, if you’ve ever observed, professional knife-throwers say a little prayer to their god before their act, and, as a tribute to his magnanimous act, miss.

They also ruined the circus, the bastards.

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2 responses to “Why They Don’t Serve Knives in Bars

  1. what a right time to come to blog, you have started to write back again.

    i was here , rather driven here to see what else you’ve written after ur brilliant 55 words fictions that you had done before. hope to read you more.

    an admirer.
    Ekta.

  2. Hey Ekta, glad you like my fiction. Keep reading this blog – it’s going to focus more on fiction than essay posts, unlike my previous blog.

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